


let me down slowly

by makemadej (santamonicayachtclub)



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Hiking, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28204191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/santamonicayachtclub/pseuds/makemadej
Summary: It's so new between them still, this unfamiliar bend in the long lazy river of their relationship.As much as Shane loves a lazy river, he thinks he’s ready to mix things up a little.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 22
Kudos: 118
Collections: Skeptic Believer Book Club Advent Calendar





	let me down slowly

**Author's Note:**

> Advent Day 20! Not me forgetting it's my day to post!

“You know,” Ryan says, “if you decide you want to get eaten out for the first time, it might as well be in a town called Rimforest.”

“Can we please,” Shane begs, “ _please_ have this conversation when you’re not dressed like a bird watcher?”

Ryan gives him a blinding grin from beneath his Audubon Society hat. “Just putting it out there. It’s very thematic.”

“Oh, and you _know_ nothing gets me going like thematics,” Shane deadpans. “I’ll think about it.”

Ryan, momentarily taller because of the felled tree he’s balancing on, leans in and kisses him.

There are worse ways to spend Christmas Eve than tramping around the San Bernardino National Forest, where the trees stretch to embrace the sky and the sun melts across the horizon like a smear of paint. Worse ways by a long shot.

Shane’s hand finds its way into Ryan’s as they descend towards the parking area together. 

“Hey.” Ryan lightly shoulder-checks him after a spell of silence. “I was just joking around. Nothing you're not ready for.” Like it’s just that easy. Like it’s no big deal he’s had the patience of a saint ever since they started dating. Like having this conversation during a scenic holiday hike is normal.

Shane loves him for that and for so much more. 

But he does think about it.

He thinks about it as they make their way back to the car, and as they drive to their gingerbread house of an Airbnb with its steeply pitched roof and cozy wood interior.

He thinks about it alone in the shower, missing the feel of Ryan's strong hands catching in his wet hair, and during dinner, when they forgo the dining table in favor of eating on the couch with their legs intertwined underneath a plush plaid blanket. He thinks about it as night thickens, as they kiss each other over cocoa sweetened with peppermint schnapps, and as they watch Michael Caine redefine the meaning of gravitas while surrounded by Muppets. 

He does not think about it while they FaceTime their families—that’s a bridge too far. And, aside from the inside of Shane’s head, it's a Hallmark-wholesome kind of evening.

By the time they go to bed, Shane's done thinking. 

There are so many firsts he wants to experience with Ryan. All he has to do is say so.

Ryan, whether he knows it or not, has been training him to let go of his reservations. Part of it is pure teaching by example. Shane loves getting to hear all the hot little sounds that come out of him when they fool around, loves how unselfconscious Ryan is about expressing his pleasure. It still takes him by surprise sometimes, Ryan's easy acceptance of everything. Ghosts, ghouls, guys: he knows exactly where he stands with all of them. He has a strong sense of self that Shane envies sometimes and wishes he could emulate without getting tangled up inside his own head.

Because Shane, always master of his own defeat, went through most of his life ignoring it as soon as he felt the first inkling of anything but heterosexuality. He never did much more than acknowledge it and move on—never experimented, couldn't even tentatively fellate a cucumber as a teenager because he felt so awkward about everything. By the time he made it to LA, he’d buried that part of him so deeply he’d almost been able to pretend it wasn’t there at all. 

Then along came Mr. California free love Ryan with his arms of steel and heart of gold and cosmically dazzling smile, throwing Shane’s entire life onto another track just by existing. 

He still remembers being bowled over the first time Ryan offhandedly brought up an ex-boyfriend, then laughed at Shane’s double-take and explained, “I’m high strung enough as it is, dude. No reason to be scared of boning too, you know?” 

Which. Fair.

Other parts of Ryan’s teaching have been more explicit. Shane’s learned how to touch him, to trust him, to accept how good it can feel to be taken care of. He’s learned how hard Ryan gets just from Shane slipping a hand around him and teasing his foreskin with his tongue, how his hips twitch when Shane spreads his hands over them and presses down. He’s learned there’s no judgment between them when they’re like this—the first time Ryan teased a finger inside him, Shane came so hard he got some on his cheek and was mildly embarrassed about it until Ryan breathlessly told him it was the hottest thing he’d ever seen.

When they decided to get out of town over Christmas, Shane assumed it would be a sweet secluded getaway with tender handholding and maybe some handjobbing. It's so new between them still, this unfamiliar bend in the long lazy river of their relationship. 

As much as Shane loves a lazy river, he thinks he’s ready to mix things up a little.

They’re less than two hours outside LA, but it's chilly enough for Shane to catch a waft of home. The forecast promises a delicate dusting of snow that hadn't appeared yet, but the prospect makes his nerves electric with anticipation.

“It’s kinda cold out here for an LA lily,” he murmurs against Ryan’s nape. “Need me to warm you up?”

It’s not exactly the smooth sexy segue he was hoping it would be. 

Ryan, unlike Shane, remembers that people have been using variations on that line for as long as temperature drops have existed. He turns over and levels Shane with a smirk. “Shane. Babe. Sugar-muffin. Is that all you’ve got?”

“I’m just a little chilly and thought maybe you were too,” Shane sputters. “What are you talking about?”

Ryan snuggles against his side, blithely ignoring him. “I can’t believe you didn’t come out swinging with some corny Christmas line about how you want me to ho-ho-hold you all night long.” 

Shane can feel his face flushing and hates himself for it. He takes a deep breath, trying to hang onto a scrap of self control while his body is taking bets against him. “You can do more than that if you like.” 

In the beat of silence that follows, he watches Ryan's eyes widen. 

“Ohhhh.” The smile lighting up his face takes a turn for the wicked. “Is that what this is? Want me to stuff you like a stocking cause you've been such a good boy?”

“Ryan,” Shane groans, “ _no_.”

Undeterred, Ryan squirms against him. The look on his face is skidding rapidly towards _Ryan yes._

“Do you, baby?”

Under the covers, his fingers slip their way between Shane’s and squeeze, a reassuring counterpoint to the mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Shane admits, so easily it surprises him. “Is that okay? We can just go to sleep if you want.”

“Shane.” Ryan heaves a sigh against his jaw that morphs into a kiss. “Of course it’s okay, Jesus Christ. I don’t think you’ve gotten it through your big-ass head that just about anything you want is okay.” 

The blush warming Shane’s face spreads through his entire body like wildfire. He’s grinning like a lunatic when Ryan’s arms slide around him, solid and warm. “Stop, you’re gonna make my heart grow three sizes and then I’ll be dead. Where’s the fun in that?”

Ryan hums, one hand cupping wide and firm between Shane’s legs. “Well. Your heart’s not the only thing growing three sizes today.” 

Shane slides out from under him and tackles him into the pillows.


End file.
